White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Randomize
