i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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