Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
