apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
