Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
