I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
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I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
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Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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