2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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