I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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