dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
