I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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