Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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