best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
