I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
