Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
