I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
