bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
