Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
