Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
