Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
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i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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