BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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