hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
