After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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