Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
