You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize