What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize