Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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