Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
