apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
