Sry I called you an 8
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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