You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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