I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
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I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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