can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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