His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
