I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
