Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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