I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
