i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
