yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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