Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Sponge bath it is.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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