So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
