My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
