Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
