I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
