Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She bit a glass in half.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
