Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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