Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
