I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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