So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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