Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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