your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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