let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
