Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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