Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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