See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Panties = found
Randomize
