bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
