I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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