Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
