The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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