He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
