ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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