First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
