she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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