I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
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I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
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You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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