all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
