I hope mine doesn't look like that
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
