How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
