A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
