ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
