I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
