So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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