i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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