Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
