New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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