I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
