the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
