Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
