So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Be still, my beating vagina.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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