I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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