Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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