i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
