I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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