There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
